Today I am sitting in a waiting room as my 16 month old heads back for surgery. We got here this morning at 5:30, got her admitted, talked to her doctors, and even got to play for a little while. Gracyn is having her second cochlear implant placed today (as long as the growth in her ear has not returned). We did this back in April as well when we got her left implant placed. The whole surgery takes about 4 hours per ear, which just shows how tedious of a job it is, placing all the electrodes where they need to be. I thought this go around would be easier but as I sit here, I’m realizing, that isn’t necessarily the case. 

When we had Gracyn, they diagnosed her with congenital cytomegalovirus. The outlook on her life according to doctors was not positive. Overall, she has beat many odds and is thriving other than a handful of issues. Being deaf, is one of those issues. We knew from very early on that Gracyn could not hear. Even before we went in for her hearing test, I knew. I fully believe that the Holy Spirit had prepared me for the news before I heard it from the audiologist. As we looked into our options, Tony and I were both in agreement that we would move forward with the cochlear implant process. 

As we began this process, we got support as well as some criticism. Some thought it was great that we were going to give her the ability to hear. Others saw our decision as a lack of faith, believing that we should solely have faith for God to heal her. We saw it as a journey. My husband and I are still believing for her to hear naturally. The bible talks specifically about deaf ears being opened and I believe if it could happen then, it can happen now. As we have gone through this, I have thought about the story in the book of Daniel where it took an angel multiple days to deliver the message he had. He talked about having to battle spiritually to make it there with his message. In a different regard, I think about Gracyn’s healing. Her healing is coming, but it will be a battle. The enemy’s whole goal is to kill, steal, and destroy. He will do all he can to take away what ever he can from our girl. But as he tries to take things away, we will fight back. We will do everything in our power to give her the most normal, enjoyable life possible. So in that regard, we decided to give her the implants. We prayed about it and truly believed it was the best option for Gracyn. This process was not a lack of faith, it was a step in faith on our end. We were saying,”God we will do everything we can do for Gracyn here and we will expect you to do the supernatural.” 

So that’s a little back story. Sitting here though has me realizing how tough it is to go through things like this with our kiddos. Whether your kid is sick, just getting a simple surgery or getting a life changing surgery, it’s hard. Pain is pain and no parent wants to experience it. I have had parents tell me, I could never do what you are doing. I’ve thought the same about parents whose kids live in hospitals. Thank you Jesus for grace. The last year and a half with Gracyn has taught me so many things. I’ve learned to appreciate the important things and ignore the minor things. You never think you will be in a situation like this until you are in it. So you adapt. 

I saw today on my Timehop app that four years ago, Tony and I were on our honeymoon. Little did we know we would have three kids in the next four years, one of whom, would have health issues. If you would have asked me sitting there on the beach what our life together would look like, I wouldn’t have said this. If you would have told me what was to come,I would have called you a liar. Life has a way of throwing things at us when we least expect it. I love music, singing, dancing and if you would have told me I would have a child who couldn’t enjoy that with me, I wouldn’t have believed you. But again, life has its own agenda. 

So what is it that your life has thrown at you that you didn’t expect? Maybe it’s something with your kids, a job or financial situation, a relationship issue, etc. Are you going to sit back and let it define who you are or are you going to fight back? Is your attitude one of triumph or one of defeat? Are you accepting it as reality or accepting it as just one stop on your journey? You have one life to live, so why not make the most of it. 

Written by Stacia Tiller